Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
