if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize