Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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