meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
