i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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