I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
