I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i drank out of a bidet.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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