guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
