Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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