Your mouth is God's brothel.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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