the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
