Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
