hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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