Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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