i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
