my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
