It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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