He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize