Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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