if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
