i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize