dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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