Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
