i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
