My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
