just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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