ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just high enough for therapy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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