Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
