dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
