She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
