Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
