Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
