I faked an abortion last night.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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