I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
