Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We got so high we made milksteak
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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