Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
