highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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