her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
