I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
