I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
