i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
