We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
now i know why i became what i already was.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
