I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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