Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
