She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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