I can tuck mytits in my pants
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
