My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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