I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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