we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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