my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
