Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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