I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
