He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
