sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i will never coherently bang her
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
