You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
