What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
