Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
