i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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