At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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