YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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