bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
