My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
