shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
