Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
