I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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