Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
