Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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