Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
