Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
