if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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