accomplished twins. life is a go
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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