So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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