Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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