is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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